Feline Terrorism: Know the Enemy

April 25, 2014

I’m a few days behind the news, but Partner just shared this article with me: Terror Attempt on NYC Subway 

Good work to the men and women of the MTA and NYPD for their dedication in fighting and preventing feline terrorism.  It’s disgusting to me how this breed of animal will use their own young to execute an act of terror on a city.  This only proves that their immorality is boundless.  Let this serve as a reminder to all of my reader(s) to do your part in exercising feline counter-terrorism tactics.Below are just a few reminders to illustrate the severity of this issue:

Terror Attempt on Plane: Just look at its face.  That’s the look of a cat with its paw caught in the cookie jar.  Lucky for everyone on board that cats are stupid.  How could it forget that it doesn’t have opposable thumbs?  It needs those in order to escape the luggage so that it could sabotage the plane during flight.  What was going through this cat’s mind as it conjured up such a diabolical plan?  I can only imagine its To Do list comprised of:

Step 1) Hide in luggage that will be stashed inside of flight machine
Step 2) Wait for sound of flight machine to take off
Step 3) Impair flight machine by unplugging it
Step 4) Laugh maniacally and win

Terror Attempt to Shut Down Power Grid: Though this cat did not have murder in mind, there is still no telling how much mayhem would have ensued if successful.  Maybe this was just the first of many towns on its To Do list.  Can you imagine the mass hysteria created by the loss of internet access or a working microwave oven until the electric company re-established power?  Do these heathens have no mercy?  My iPhone doesn’t charge itself, you know!

Terror Attempt on Prison: Intent on creating anarchy, they caught this heathen before it could free a prison full of murderers and reprobates onto the innocent public.  Notice how the authorities interviewed for the article have no leads on finding the mastermind of this operation.  That’s because they assume cats can’t plan this sort of thing.  If the government would take my theories seriously (and stop me harassing me with cease and desist orders when trying to contact the President), we would live in a safer world.

Terror Attempt through Computers: Cyberterrorism is not cute, but this site tries its best to divert the public perception from the heathens’ sinister schemes by making a mockery out of the photographic evidence.  Unfortunately, a majority of the public easily falls for cat captioned pictures.  I am willing to bet money that the photographers that caught these heathens in the act were never heard from again.  This website must certainly be run by a feline terrorism organization.