What I’m Giving Up For Lent

April 27, 2014

If you ask around, you’ll learn that I’m not a very spiritual person; however, my personal view on faith is pretty flexible when it promises selfish gain.  Let’s take this Lent thing, for example.  Observation informs me that the purpose of this ritual is to do without something of your choosing for about 40-something days.  This year, Lent is 43 days.  Just think of all the shit I can remove from my life for 43 days in the name of Jesus or something.  The only down-side is that I can only pick one a year.  So what should I give up for this Holy event?

How awesome would it be to call in Lent to work?  My house would be so clean by day 43.  Of course, with five cats, it will be right back to its original state by day 44.

Fuck all y'all.  I'm Lent!

Fuck all y’all. I’m Lent!


…on second thought, living 43 days straight in a drunken haze would feel great until the DTs kicked on day 44.

Day 2: I think the cats slipped something in my drink.

Day 2: I think the cats slipped something in my drink.


It would be such a joy just to open the door and let the heathens run free for 43 days.  But I bet the bastards wouldn’t last two days on their own in the Memphis wild before they begged to be let in again.


This one may be a winner.  For me, growing up sucks.  I don’t want to watch what I eat, go to bed early, or blow my wad on bills.  I want to eat junk food, roller skate on my hardwood floors, or stay up late playing video games.  However, I’m such a worrier, I can’t help but think that during my 43-day irresponsibility spree, I would agonize about the cluttered house, the collectors, or the sleep deprivation when it’s over.

If this is responsibilitiless, then maybe...

If this is responsibilitiless, then maybe…


Despite how much I want to give up one of the above, there seems to be consequences for each once the fun is over.  Fuck it. For Lent, I’m giving up Lent.