You Won’t Believe What This Blog Says!

June 19, 2014

I hope you didn’t see the title and believe that this blog has anything remotely unbelievable to say. If you did, then I’ll placate your curiosity with “I love all five of my cats” and “I prefer topping.” If you have read me for long, you’ll know both statements are equally unbelievable. Now you can move on with your day because this post will not get any more unbelievable than that. But I recommend you read on because I have a point to make.

The purpose of the title is to prove a point: click-baiting is fucking annoying and must stop. Whatever happened to drawing an audience based on the merits of its subject? Must you result in beguiling the internet’s casual readers into jumping on your site? And to those that click titles promising “the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen” or “something that will change your life,” then you are only encouraging a horrible trend. Keep it up and this will gradually become adopted by “credible” news sites to increase readership, and I do not want to log on to the Huffington Post to find a headline telling me “What Obama Said About Iraq Will Blow Your Mind!”

If you are having trouble understanding what a click-bait headline looks like, allow me to provide the following examples:

6-12-2014 2-14-26 PM

Pictured above is a link to a video that promised I would cringe, cry, and laugh out loud. I watching this video and did none of them. This blog should consider not allowing writers that suffer bipolar disorder from writing their headlines.

6-19-2014 3-32-40 PM

I am not in the mood to debate whether these 6 tips are “ingenious.” However, the last one turned out to be horribly anti-climactic. I was expecting it to help solve crime or determine if that strange man is, in fact, your father. I was very disappointed.

 

This fart-knocker didn’t just promise that I would see an amazing dance routine; it promised I would see the most amazing dance routine EVER!!! (emphasis not mine). Let me spare you two minutes of your precious life and tell you that I’ve seen more amazing routines while watching midget wrestling.

6-12-2014 2-21-34 PM

I’m all about a good book store, but telling me that one will change my life is a bit of a stretch. If I go into a book store expecting for my life to change, I better walk out straight and/or with a vagina between my legs.

6-19-2014 4-17-04 PM

Again, nope. Still gay and with a penis.

You should have a good understanding of click-baiting now. So please, do us all a favor. Don’t do it. Don’t validate this ignorant trend by clicking on articles that make such empty promises. You will most likely be disappointed.