Shenaniganing in Memphis: Crop Hop 5K

June 24, 2014

I don’t run unless it involves a Cyndi Lauper meet-and-greet or a corn dog buffet. That’s why before signing up for the Memphis Farmer’s Market‘s Crop Hop 5K last Saturday at the downtown farmer’s market, I asked the enthusiastic volunteer, “Can I walk it?” When she promised me that there would be other walkers, I agreed to sign up for my very first 5K. Besides, I was signing Partner up, too, and if I got too tired, I just planned on climbing up on him and making him carry me the rest of the way. He didn’t know this, though.

On Friday, June 20th, Partner and I arrived at the downtown pavilion forty-five minutes before start time. My intention was to document each moment through photography and selfies; however, because Partner doesn’t like his picture taken, most of the photos below highlight the backs of strangers. If I didn’t already think Partner was such a Jew, I would swear he was a Mennonite. He is, however, neither a Jew nor a Mennonite. He’s just stingy with money and very, very shy.

We arrived early to sign in and pick up our t-shirts. The crowd was very eclectic, but one thing I never considered was how many cute guys would be there. Yowzers.

As we approached the downtown pavilion, Partner and I were greeting by the music of a live band. The crowd was very eclectic, but one thing I failed to considered was how many cute guys would be participating. Yowzers. Partner and I ran into a couple of old acquaintances (Molly and James), and we exhausted our pre-“race” time pointing out and commenting on the eye candy. On a side note: I am officially a creepy old fart. Step one is admitting the problem.

 

Partner checking to see if his tires are aired. I think he'll spare me for posting this one since it doesn't show his face (fingers crossed).

Before the 5K, Partner takes a moment to check the air in his tires. I think he’ll spare me for posting this one since it doesn’t show his face (fingers crossed).

 

Not quite sure what the medals were for, but I doubt one was for Slowest Person because I didn't get one.

Not quite sure what the medals were for, but I doubt one was for Slowest Participant because I didn’t get one. I knew I should have snatched one when no one was looking (Partner wants me to say that stealing is bad; don’t steal, kids, and don’t steal kids).

 

The weather was fantastic for the event. Partner and I stood in the back of the start line because the fewer people that pass us, the less stupid I would feel for doing this.

The weather was fantastic for the event. Partner and I stood in the back of the start line with the elderly and other newbies because I figured the fewer people that passed us, the less stupid I would feel for doing this.

 

Close to the first mile marker, I saw a view that reminded me why I love Memphis.

Close to the first mile marker, I saw a view that reminded me of one of the reasons why I love Memphis. This is the beautiful Riverside Drive. And those are the kids that walked faster than me. Little energetic bastards.

 

I am proud to say that I saw this sign while standing on my own two feet. Even though Partner and I were close to last, we were still crossed the finish line to the sound of high school cheerleaders congratulating us. Waiting on the other side of the finish line was bottled water, chilled watermelon, bananas, pizza, beer, and donuts. Ah, mission accomplished.

Even though Partner and I were close to last, we still crossed the finish line to the sound of cheers (weak, but a few volunteers were standing by to cheer). The rest of the participants were on the other side of the finish line either drinking a bottled water or a beer, and munching on the smorgasbord of chilled watermelon, bananas, pizza, and donuts. Don’t tell the other gays, but I had a slice of pizza. Augh, carbs.

 

Once we crossed the finish line together, I was grateful that I walked the course rather than ran. Walking allowed me to appreciate the beauty of Memphis. I even observed aspects of downtown that I never discovered before. And I did it all without even having to mount Partner on the way.