Hey, hey kids!
Welcome to another episode of The Grammar Nazi Kids Hour Show. It’s me, Colonel Cary Von Reich, and with me as always is mein feline fuhrer (heretofore known as “mein furrer”), Hitler Cat.
Together, we work tireless to purify the English language by expelling all who disobey the rules of proper grammar as set forth by Strunk & White, so as to dominate the world with a new race of perfect punctuation, superb spelling, and splendid syntax.
On today’s episode, we have a special propaganda cartoon starring Hitler Cat that will remind you of the importance of subject/verb agreement as well as the consequences for disobeying this rule. And what is that consequence, mein furrer?
But first, I like to think of myself as very up-to-date with the technology trend. I even have an iPhone that I carry with me everywhere. Because the number assigned to my iPhone is so new, I often receive text messages from strangers.
Seriously. All the time.
But mein furrer was made highly upset when I received the following text message just the other day:
I never heard mein furrer’s voice squeal so high as when he screamed,
I was only just following orders when I replied to this stranger:
So what did we learn from this, kids? We learned that blatant disregard to grammar and spelling rules is not only disrespectful and rude, but it also makes you look like you suffer from a severe learning disability (of course, in the example above, I admit that I do not know for sure whether or not I engaged in an argument with someone who was dropped on their head as a baby one too many times).
You see, we, as an educated community, fear for the future when we receive correspondence like this. As this plague spreads, will it eventually evolve into an acceptable form of written communication, dispelling years and years of hard work in my English and spelling classes? Will future etiquette dictate that my salutations be “Wassup, ‘N’ word” or a variant thereof? Not as long as Hitler Cat is around.
It wouldn’t be a lesson unless we practiced our skills on a grammar and spelling dissenter. To help exercise your Grammar Nazi skills, see the image below of a text I received from yet another stranger, and fill in how you would have replied.
If you need a little guidance, you can use my responses below as an example.
Keep up the great work humiliating, stigmatizing, irritating, and shaming all objectors of our crusade for a pure English language. We’ll be right back after these messages with a puppet show segment starring our friend, Albert Speer-Puppet. He will be teaching us how to respond to people who use quotation marks incorrectly. Until then, remember all spelling and grammar rules at all times [even innocent typos and proofing errors are no excuse], or else Hitler Cat will come after you.
by Cary Vaughn (2014)