Welcome to The Reluctant Cat Owner’s Journal

August 29, 2014

Hey there. Welcome to the party! What? Oh, sorry. Let me turn down the music.

I’m sorry. What were you saying?

Oh. Yeah. Not many people here yet. I guess they’re running a little behind.

Watch your step! Oh my God! You okay, Blind Murphy? It’s okay. They didn’t see you there. You can’t walk around people like that.

Sorry about all the cats. I tried locking them away in the closet, but you try shoving five cats into a dark space and see how successful you are. ‘Twas a nightmare. Eventually, I was all, like, fuck it. So now they’re just part of the party.

Well, I appreciate you stopping. Go ahead and fix yourself some punch and have some snacks – No! Not that. Sorry. That’s cat food. The other bowls are okay to eat from, I think.

So how did you find me? Are you from Google, or Scary Mommy, or The Bloggess’ site? It doesn’t matter really. I’m just happy you’re here.

I went ahead and set up some of my favorite, less familiar articles below. Just click the title to read the full article. I’m sure by the time you get through them, others will have arrived. And if you get a chance, tell me more about you. I enjoy meeting new people. Just leave a comment. Feel free to say whatever you like.

The Cat Owner Cocktail: The very first post.

Gib Elbis Keeses: What it’s like to kiss a cat’s butthole.

Cat Owner’s Guide to a Clean Home: As a multi-cat owner, it’s tough to keep a house clean, but here’s how you can.

Walmartians: Look. It’s not always about cats. Sometimes I judge people, too.

Dear Diet: A letter to my diet (we have this on-again-off-again thing).

Cary the Fairy: One of my favorite pieces (because it’s so personal to me).

Cursing the Mummy: My partner can be such a butthole sometimes, especially at Halloween.

How to Keep the Cat Out of the Christmas Tree: A Christmastime favorite you can read around the fireplace to your grandchildren.

Unraveling Mom: Kids, please don’t try this at home.

Like a Baby Arm Holding an Apple: This is why I prefer not to be left with children.

Taking the ‘Bate: This is why I prefer not to be left with children (part 2).

The Baby Accessory Boom: Who says babies are good for nothing.