In 2007, Partner purchased a 6-foot mummy in which to decorate our first home together for Halloween. I loved it until my husband incorporated his terribly wicked sense of humor.
Read the steps below to learn how you, too, can transform a similar Halloween decoration into one that your loved one hates the most.
Step 1: Before your loved one returns home from an exhausting and emotionally draining day at the office, station mummy at the front door (pictured example at right). When your soon-to-be-ex-after-pulling-this-stunt boyfriend opens the front door in the hopes of being greeting with a warm hug, revel in delight at the sound of his girlish squeal as he drops the mail to the floor and clutches his chest.
Step 2: While your significant other is in the shower after pushing through a vigorous workout at the gym (even after an exhausting day of work at the office), sneak into the bathroom and place mummy on the other side of the drawn shower curtain (pictured example at right). Stand back and watch as your lover shits himself in fright after pushing open the curtain.
WARNING: Because of slippery tub surface, cruel stunt may result in a difficult-to-explain story for hospital staff or law enforcement authorities.
STEP 3: As your jittery lover is opening cabinet and pantry doors with slow caution as he/she prepares dinner, gift your sweetheart with a head of premature gray hair by placing mummy in threshold of dark guest bedroom door (pictured example at right). When he/she carries their full bladder to the bathroom later that evening, they will be startled by the strange being lurking out of the corner of their eye.
NOTE: Have mop and bucket of hot water handy for pee cleaning.
STEP 4: If you wake up before the love of your life, silently place mummy over your sleeping snookum’s side of the bed while he or she experiences a restless slumber of horrifying images and nightmares involving blood-thirsty zombies wrapped in gauze for some odd reason (pictured example at right). When your better half rolls over and opens their eyes, he/she will experience a brief yet great cardio workout as they respond to the perceived threat on their survival with flailing arms and kicking legs.
Moral: Halloween decorations are for the purpose of scaring children, not the person in which you share your bed!
by Cary Vaughn (2013)