Do You Change When You’re Gay?

April 4, 2015 — 17 Comments

Originally published at on April 9, 2014. 

“When you’re gay, nothing changes.  You stay the same.  Your personality doesn’t change; the people in your life don’t change; who you are doesn’t change; nothing changes.”  This was said by a drastically unqualified heterosexual man with good intentions that was participating in a mandatory HR training on diversity hosted by our employer several years ago.  At that time in my life, I had only recently openly identified myself as gay, so I had a lot to say on the matter because I did change.  I always knew I was gay, but gradually, everything about me and my life changed.  Does this apply to all gays?  Of course not.  I can only speak for myself, but let me give you an example.

Catch Phrase is a game where you are provided a word or phrase from the small screen of an electronic device with the goal of having your team guess this word or phrase without using the word, words that rhyme with the word, part of the phrase, etc.  I played this with a diverse group of friends and the clues provided based on our cultural identity were drastically different.

Below are a list of words and phrases from that game and the clues that would be provided by each sexual orientation.  Below each “phrase” are the clues that would be given by heterosexual men are on the top [twitters and giggles], and clues that would be given by the homosexual males are on the bottom [twitters and giggles].


Team Hetero Clue: Home of the Bears.

Team Homo Clue: (singing) And all that jazz!


Team Hetero Clue: Sang ‘All My Ex’s Live in Texas’.

Team Homo Clue: Uhhh…Heterosexual of the Jungle?  I don’t know.  Who the fuck is this?


Team Hetero Clue: I just installed this in our bathroom.

Team Homo Clue: Poor people use this for their kitchen floor.


Team Hetero Clue: Gulf Shores, Gulf Port, Biloxi, Ocean Springs, Pascagoula

Team Homo Clue: Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey movie.


Team Hetero Clue: Tool used to pound in nails.

[insert twitters and giggles from homo team for hetero’s use of the words ‘tool’ and ‘pound’]

Team Homo Clue: Alex used this last week to kill a spider.


Team Hetero Clue: Used to watch porn.

Team Homo Clue: Used to watch porn.

So whenever someone tells me that nothing changes when you identify as a gay man, I like to provide this example from my life to prove them wrong because when I was a practicing heterosexual (I was just experimenting, really), I would have provided the clues on the top.  However, the deeper I found myself in my gay world and surrounded by gay people with “gay” interests, the more I found myself answering “Beaches” when asked to provide the 1988 movie starring Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey and directed by Garry Marshall that included the hit song Wind Beneath My Wings which won Bette Grammies for record of the year and song of the year in 1990 (all of which I could not have told you before I identified as a gay man).

17 responses to Do You Change When You’re Gay?


    In my mind, I think of it in Bird Cage terms… Robin Williams would give the top clues, and Nathan Lane would give the bottom. 😉

    Liked by 1 person


    I just woke up my family because I exploded with laughs. I have to come back and share this great piece when it’s normal hours.

    Liked by 1 person


    I love this post. It is entertaining, humorous and yes, teaching as well. I was giggling – but then in the back of my head I was thinking: Here I am having several gay friends but only knowing two of them well enough to know they had a life “before” gay – and how it was for them to change into their “now-life”. Here you gave me a special opportunity to peek into changes. Thank you for that.
    (… and George Strait really is a Country Music singer, one of the best there is. *whisper*)



    Funny, of course, Cary. Hey, If I were to turn gay, would I stop rescuing spiders from my sister, who smashes them with her hammer?



    Spiders are lovely and you are all evil, nasty people!

    (Gathers self together and takes deep breath.)

    This post is hilarious and informative. Kind of reminds me how Google searches change drastically after your first sizable online purchase. Suddenly, all the ads are either for that very same thing (why the hell would I need two of them?), similar things (I already found the one I want and paid for postage and handling, thanks), things it believes people who buy those things would like to buy (I just went broke buying the first thing, but thanks for asking), and things bought by people who have also bought that thing I just bought (this is a bizarre, twisted list that makes no sense whatsoever; who the hell buys a purse and then a lawn sprinkler? That’s kinky.)

    I can only imagine what the list would be for things Google tags as “gay merchandise.” (much twittering and giggling)



    Tool and pound are universal triggers for giggles, they defy sexuality, age, and race.

    I loved this, laughed so hard!

    Liked by 1 person


    Reblogged this on F.E. Feeley Jr. and commented:



    I’ve used a hammer to kill a spider before. So maybe I’m not as hetero as I thought?



    Highly entertaining… and so true 🙂


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