I Am Better Than You

June 15, 2015 — 11 Comments

Dear angry lady in the blue CR-V behind me at the intersection of Highland and Central,

I want to thank you for honking your horn when the arrow turned green. 

You were fourth in line, directly behind me. Only one second had passed after we were provided the signal to safely accelerate through the intersection, and dog-gone it, that just wasn’t fast enough for your supernatural response time and mini-SUV. I’m sure the two cars at the front of the line were humbled by your horned tantrum, though I don’t believe the rust-pockmarked vehicle of the ostensibly financially disadvantaged couple in front of me was capable of your teleportation standards without stalling their engine, no matter how hard they try to please you.

The moment the three of us in front of you carefully aligned ourselves on Highland’s right lane, your strained your four-cylinder engine by rip-snorting around us at a speed I can only assume left you unable to first check the pedestrian cross walk. I don’t really remember how, but you ended up in front of me at another red light barely even a tenth of a mile away. With my right hand resting at the top of my steering wheel, I wagged my index finger at you to communicate my disappointment in your unsafe behavior. I find that wagging a finger at bully drivers has a better effect than the middle finger.

I didn’t expect you to have seen this action, but I failed to remember that people are prone to stare at me from their rear view mirror when stopped at red lights. This distraction is the price I pay for being cursed with such a handsome face. But you signaled your receipt of my message by waving your own finger towards me with such exaggerated force that I can only assume you were mocking me. Your response was rather unclear, though, as all I could think of was how ridiculous you looked. Maybe you were just projecting your frustration at not progressing in traffic as far as you wanted before being halted by the next red light.

But none of this is why I want to thank you. I want to thank you because if not for your actions, I would have continued to assume that I am just an average (yet ridiculously good looking) person with an average temperament, yet your behavior conveyed a message to me that gave me pride. That message? I am better than you.

I am better than you at not becoming so easily frustrated in traffic and thereby respecting the safety of my fellow drivers and occasional pedestrian. I am better than you at understanding that other people’s brains may take a little longer to process a green light than mine. I am better than you at being patient because just like us, other drivers also have somewhere to be. I am better than you at realizing that if the light just so happens to turn red before I can pass through, (spoiler alert) it will turn green again pretty soon.

I could give you the benefit of the doubt, that when our paths crossed you were just having a bad day. After all, I don’t know anything about you other than this one incident. For all I know, you may be a regular volunteer at a soup kitchen or save abandoned babies off the side of the road. I could, but I don’t want to. I’m feeling too good about being better than you.

I hope we don’t meet in traffic again anytime soon, but if we do, maybe you will have calmed down a little, and instead of me being better than you, we can be just alike.

Sincerely,

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The Reluctant Cat Owner

11 responses to I Am Better Than You

  1. 

    Quite interesting. It seems every one of your readers has met this woman before. I did too, just yesterday. 🙂
    But I have to admit: your letter is MUCH better than what I had been thinking about her. ;-D

    Like

  2. 

    Sit back, relax, and sic your Invisible Relentlessly Gay Rainbow Dragon on ‘er. Because everyone should have an Invisible Relentlessly Gay Rainbow Dragon. Damnit, now I want an Invisible Relentlessly Gay Rainbow Dragon.

    Invisible Relentlessly Gay Rainbow Dragons: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/19/relentlessly-gay-yard-baltimore-_n_7614506.html

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 

    Oh! that lady must have moved from Colorado to where ever you’re at! A year or so back, this lady swerved into my lane, mere inches from my bumper, with no turn signal. When I shook my head, this lady began nodding her head in this exaggerated up and down motion, almost, but not quite head banging, while watching me in her rear view. I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing at her. That’s when she got really mad, waving her arms up and down and yelling. I laughed some more. when the light turned green, she took off.

    Liked by 1 person

    • 

      There’s something about Colorado. Once, I was biking through downtown Denver and a shitpile station wagon deliberately edges me towards the curb, pulls up next to me, and the 350 pound driver leans out her window and bellows, “Road hog!”

      The irony nearly made me shit myself with laughter.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. 

    There have been occasions when a vehicle will go zooming past all the other traffic and then what a surprise to arrive at the scene of an accident shortly afterward. Sad, isn’t it? Guess they really got where they were going, huh?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. 

    I usually give drivers 3.458 seconds to release their brake before being enraged enough to honk a horn or drop an f-bomb…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. 

    I know that woman, and I know her mocking response.

    Liked by 1 person

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