While You’re Away

July 27, 2015 — 25 Comments

Relationships are work. It can either be a full-time job you and your partner dread every Monday morning, or it can be a job you both love. Because I love Partner more than I hate having five cats, I enjoy making him laugh and smile. After all, he deserves it for tolerating someone like me for over nine years.

Last year, Partner made the mistake of leaving me home alone with the cats while he visited his parents for the week. So as to keep him informed about how the handicats and I were to take over the home (while deliberately excluding the able-bodied heathens), I made him a little book to read while on his journey.

I call it While You’re Away and am hoping it will one day reach the top of the New York Times best seller list (fingers crossed). Unfortunately, I still haven’t heard back from Simon & Schuster, HarperCollins, PenguinRandom House, or Hatchette Livre. Maybe they’re still calculating how many millions of the dollars I deserve for my first-book deal for what will certainly be a classic on the level of Moby Dick (hated it), The Sound and The Fury (hated it), or The Picture of Dorian Gray (actually liked it).

What do you think?

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I’m sure the grammar Nazi in some of you are in full-on Nuremberg mode.

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25 responses to While You’re Away

  1. 

    Speaking of “art,” here’s something else for you to do during those lonely stretches while Partner is away: http://jirkavinse.com/

    Click on Pocahontas and scroll down to the dudes, but make sure you’re wearing loose clothing. Safety first.

    Like

  2. 

    If you call Rotel junk food, what do you call kale? Chocolate sprinkles? There needs to be a bare minimum of two pounds of cheddar cheese making love to that Rotel before I even begin to feel ashamed of it snuggling up to my tortilla chips.

    And the way you’ve been hiding Partner’s identity all this time, shielding him from society, the real story of what goes on in that house is finally coming to light: “I Know My First Name is Steven.”

    Like

  3. 

    You nearly killed me with that Prince Albert in a can shit 😀
    I made a book for hubby but I probably wouldn’t share since how many pictures of my feet & foot-related prose poems can you people really tolerate? 😉

    Like

  4. 

    What a beautiful love story.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. 

    Ummmm. Last scary movie I watched with you and Zoe did NOT include Rotel. Why are you holding back on me you serious betch?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. 

    I’m not surprised all these huge publishers are still discussion. Maybe they hold a secret auction?
    I love the kitty adventure book. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  7. 

    I seriously do not understand how you are able to consistently create the best blog posts on the entire gd Internet. I jealousy hate your guts.
    P.S. I think you should offer your services on Etsy. Your shop could be all about crafting custom adventure books for other people’s cats! I WANT ONE!

    Liked by 1 person

    • 

      Holy shit. Wouldn’t that be fun? Years ago, I made custom greeting cards for my co-workers. I called them Fabulous Sympathy cards (trademark pending). The one I remember most was the “Sorry You’re Such a Pussy” card I made for a co-worker who was nervous about telling one of our peers that he didn’t want to car pool with her anymore.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. 

    Well, if Steven didn’t laugh, I sure did.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. 

    Wait! Wasn’t Nuremberg where the Nazis met their Waterloo?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. 

    Best Curious George story, oh I mean the best Cary Vaughn story, EVER! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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