I was going to let this go, but fuck it. I have a headache, a smart mouth, and my very own website. [*giggle* I wrote “but fuck it.”]
I am aghast that the Center for Disease Control has yet to alert the nation of an epidemic that is crippling our once-civilized society. Self-Perception Displacement Disorder (or more commonly known around the internet as Center of the Universe Syndrome) is a seemingly contagious and currently incurable mental disease that is spreading faster than a zombie apocalypse.
A person stricken with SPDD typically lacks any physically identifiable traits. They appear to live a regular life like you and me. It’s as if the condition stays dormant until you have an unfortunate encounter with one. It is then that you notice their lack of empathy and common sense, and the logic of an SPDD can be known to cause unbearable levels of frustration in those with half a brain.
To give you an example of how to identify SPDD, I recently discovered that somebody in my neighborhood is living with this incurable condition when they posted the following message on our neighborhood’s Next Door site:
Notice how the writer fails to realize that we are not this cat’s babysitter. It is as if this person would blame a homeowner for their feline’s demise if said cat were to lick antifreeze from a driveway or hop a fence containing a viscous dog. Also notice how the writer is incapable of understanding why “some people” offer a seemingly-stray cat food or letting the seemingly-stray cat into their home. It’s as if the writer is asking, “Why isn’t everybody else as heartless as I am when I see a stray animal that appears to be begging for food and/or shelter?”
In a situation like this, it is best to smile and back away slowly. Do not engage one with SPDD by saying something like,
- “Look, lady/sir. If you let your cat out to wander, you have to understand that you are rolling the dice on whether or not it will come back in the same condition, if at all,” or
- “You really want my advice? Okay. If you’re so concerned about this, keep your cat inside,” or
- “Here’s how to train your cat to be an inside cat: don’t let it outside,” or
- “Why in the ever-loving of holy fucks are you allowing a special needs cat (allergies?) out of your care,” or
- “I usually don’t have a problem with people letting their cats roam, but I do have a problem with strangers telling me what to do.”
None of these would benefit you, the cat, or the afflicted.
Until there is a cure, it is advisable to avoid anyone with SPDD. They will drag you into verbal battles you can’t win. As for me, Journal, I’ll be constructing a bunker for my husband and me to stay in until everyone with SPDD ends up eating each other alive. Only then will we return to society.