Conversation is hard. This is most applicable when getting to know someone I just met (a stage of companionship where comfortable silence is most awkward and not yet acceptable, trust me).
When starting a conversation with a stranger who has potential, I can either dig for common ground with general and boring questions or do what I normally do, talk about myself. My friends say the latter is narcissistic. I call it Game Showing because contestants are obligated to share their life story with the host. It’s part of the program format.
If I ever experience a situation where I’m uncomfortable talking about myself (something I can’t imagine), jokes are a great way to break the ice. Unfortunately, with my type of humor, I have to be cautious. Sharing my favorite joke in mixed company (“What’s so great about fucking twenty eight year olds? There are twenty of them.”) won’t always go over so well. I may laugh at the recipient’s appalled reaction but then notice her covering the ears of her 7-year-old daughter I didn’t realize was there. And before I get a chance to follow up with “Last night in bed, my boyfriend called me a pedophile. I told him, ‘That’s an awfully big word for a 6-year-old,'” the Chucky Cheese manager demands that I “leave before I call the police” because a few parents at a nearby table complained.
This is why I am posting a few harmless knock knock jokes to my journal so that I can access them if necessary.
Guest Behind Closed Door: Knock Knock
Homeowner Who Obviously Does Not Have A Window Or Peephole: Who’s there?
Confused Homeowner (Or Come To Think, Maybe A Renter Of An Apartment Or Squatter In Abandoned Mobile Home): Spell who?
Person With Terribly Cruel Parents that Named Their Newborn Baby Spell: Double you aych oh.
Before telling the joke above, I guess I should remind myself to be sure my intended audience can spell. I mean, I can’t go around asking strangers if they can read. It’ll come across as arrogant and/or upset an illiterate (more than usual). Maybe I should just skip this one and go to the next one.
This one won’t work unless I deliver the punchline with an upturned nose and uppity intonation. But what if my audience is literate yet grammatically challenged? They won’t know why this is funny, would they? Maybe I should skip this one, too. How about:
No bell. That’s why I knocked.
Shit, that pretty corny. Maybe I should just stick with offensive jokes. At least this way, I can weed out the type of people I prefer not to know in the first place.
Lick my who.
Lick my who who?
Gross. I’d rather masturbate.