Why Heathens Don’t Cover Their Poo

April 20, 2016 — 23 Comments

Dear Journal,

A dear friend recently asked,

Dear Reluctant Cat Owner,

My cat refuses to cover her shit. What do I do? Is he trying to murder me with the smell of his deuces?

I hope you can take solace in the fact that you are not alone, so much so that I believe there are support groups for victims of this issue. Uncovered cat poop is as common in our home as my use of profanity. It’s disheartening to come home from work on a fresh, spring evening only to wonder if your toilet backed up while you were away. And you can’t trust your friends because even though they say, “No. It smell’s fine in here,” when you ask them upon entrance, you know they’re talking about it behind your back. At least, that’s what I do.

This mainly occurs with our skittish cat, Reese. I have witnessed her bolting from the litter box like a race horse the moment her last brownie drops. I assume the plopping turd slapping the back of her leg like a riding crop startles her. For this, I can’t blame her because if I felt something tickling my cheeks while sitting on the toilet, I would bolt from the bathroom, too, hands flailing in the air, pants around my ankles, and butt unwiped.

Unfortunately, I have had no luck with deterring her unhygienic behavior. Wait. Let me rephrase that. Unfortunately, I have not attempted to deter her unhygienic behavior because I am too busy wiping cat vomit off the floors, vacuuming hairballs, and breaking up ultra-violent cat fights, but I have read that there may be many reasons why this occurs. And while I would not doubt that your cat is feeding off of your misery, there’s a chance this is something that may be alleviated with a little work.

Dr. Houpt is an animal behaviorist of over 30 years and indicates in an article published on vetstreet.com why this may be happening. Since none of us have time to read dry material, I have broken it down for you in a language of my people: profanity.

  • Your Cat’s Fucking Claws May Hurt: This may be the result of being recently declawed (boo!) or general discomfort in their cover-the-shit paw. Take a moment to examine your cat’s paws for any tender spots. I recommend having treats readily available to help distract them as these bastards will squirm like a drunk toddler on a stripper pole if your touch their tootsies. If they give an indication of pain in their feet, take them to a trusted vet.
  • Some Cats are Just Stupid: According to catbehaviorassociates.com,  if your precious heathen is disrespecting the sanctity of your nose, “use your finger and dig a little in the litter as the sight and sound may entice her to do the same.” Additionally, “If she eliminates but doesn’t cover it, take your finger and cover it a bit so she can see what the sequence is supposed to be.” To which I say, “That’s fucking disgusting! Please wear rubber gloves before you do this, and for the love of public health, wash your hands when you’re done.”
  • Get a Bigger Box, Dipshit: If you can’t understand why a cat’s litter box may be too small, try recalling that time you had to pop a squat in an airplane bathroom. It’s not pleasant. Especially if you are 6’4″ like me. And for a cat, covering their Satan Hershey requires a little maneuvering. They have to see it, and sometimes they want to smell it (nasty pigs).  Petfinder.com suggest, “As a general rule of thumb, the litter box should be at least one and half times the length of the cat. If you’re unsure, you should pick the bigger size.” Also, when selecting a litter box, keep in mind that cats typically don’t prefer the covered boxes. I say it’s because they like making you uncomfortable with eye contact while they take a dump, but catbehaviorassociates.com says different.
  • They’re Just Assholes and Hate Their Litter: As much as you probably wouldn’t enjoy dragging construction paper along your ass crack, a cat may not like how it feels to dig into its rough, heavy litter. Vetstreet.com provides a thorough list of the types of litters on the market (as a matter of fact, I discovered a “grass” litter that I may try), but be sure to read suggestions at the end on how to transition your cat to a new litter.

I hope this helps. And feel free to drop me a line if you have any other questions. I may not know everything, but I believe I give the best answers.

23 responses to Why Heathens Don’t Cover Their Poo


    ” If I felt something tickling my cheeks while sitting on the toilet, I would bolt from the bathroom, too, hands flailing in the air, pants around my ankles, and butt unwiped.”

    I’m sorry. I just died. That killed me.

    Liked by 1 person


    Satan Hershey“!?? OMG that is SOOOOO going in the crank-bank. For future use… way, way, WAYYYYY in the future sometime. Maybe.

    What? I don’t like to be a biter unless it’s absolutely necessary. Either way, hilarious 😀

    Liked by 2 people


    “My cat refuses to cover her shit. What do I do? Is he trying to murder me with the smell of his deuces?”

    Your dear friend referred to their cat as both she and he. This means the cat is transgender and is understandably at a loss about which litter box to use.

    Since the pronouns evolve from she to he in the query, the cat is obviously a transgender male and would most likely benefit from more masculine surroundings while doing his business. Hanging a tiny urinal, writing revolting poetry on the walls of the litter box, and painting a bold Mars symbol on the outside of the box would all go a long way towards showing your support of your cat’s journey. When he starts marking the entire house with splashes of fetid urine and begins yowling, “Wasssup?” to female cats, you’ll know his transition is complete.

    In the interim, a cover and swinging door for the litter box and multiple boxes of baking soda around the room may preserve the peace. Good luck.

    Liked by 2 people


      I assumed it to be a typo. I images she was nearly unconscious as the building shit-scented air filled her home. Desperate for help, she crawled to her computer and messaged me. We both know she should have called 911, but when your fighting for your life, you tend to make irrational decisions. I hope she’s still alive and was able to read this article.



    The obvious one left off the list? Carol and I have successful adopted more than 300 cats for austinsiameserescue.org but behaviorists hate to touch this one. Your cat is pissed at you. That’s right, you’ve done something they don’t like and this is their way of telling you. Pissing on the bed is another big indicator. If the other remedies don’t work, there’s a good chance you’ve changed something in the household dynamic that deeply bothers them. Because many behaviorists still can’t accept that cats have some level of sentience, they don’t like that option. But we’ve seen them socialize, bully, lie, form packs and exhibit many forms of human cognitive behavior in our twenty years of rescue because we let hang out in our house to socialize them for the homes they will move into. They cease to be lab rats and open up like pets and that’s how we realized they may not be as smart as us, but they do act and think socially.

    Including hurt feelings and communicating with payback,

    Liked by 2 people


    The real question is “why did I open this post while eating lunch?”

    Liked by 2 people


    I have an issue with my boy cat’s litter box not being big enough. But… he’s a Maine Coon and I have yet to find one big enough for the behemoth. I had to go and adopt the biggest animal I could find… brilliant move.

    Liked by 2 people

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