Videos of the Heathens

January 13, 2017 — 8 Comments

Dear Journal,

Parents have various reasons for documenting the development and growth of their dependents with current technology, whether for the nostalgic purpose of filming a summer vacation on the shores of Biloxi, Mississippi or the mischievous intention of snapping a future blackmail Polaroid of your baby wearing only a toy gun holster. I’ve observed this paternal motivation in owners of pet cats as well, myself included; though, my intentions serve a different purpose.

When I capture still life of my heathens, it’s function is for one or more of the following:

A reminder of the emotional distress involved when raising a heathen cat in case I get kicked in the head one day and decide to want another.

  • For posting on social media to both serve as a warning for other potential cat owners as well as to incite pity.
  • A vessel of humiliation by inserting an embarrassing comment to pictures I post on social media. This reminds my cats that I am the alpha of the house when they log into Facebook and see it on their feed. It helps to tag their friends in the photo.

Recently, I discovered an interest in filming the furry idiots. I am grateful to the video editing software on my iPhone for allowing me to memorialize the inside my home through humor so I don’t have to drink as much. For example:

  • Nobody likes the deaf cat, Zoe, because her unpredictable outbursts scare the shit out of the others. Below, I captured the whore (Reese) swatting at Zoe just for being too close.

  • I’m not sure how the blind cat became the alpha of the pride. That little asshole is a bully.

  • This one started as me toying with the features of the editing software but became a documentary of a house cat hunting for food.

With my growing collection, my mind is placed at ease knowing that after I die, future generations will heed my warnings of cat parenting. Until then, I can’t wait to see how Mr. Tiddles’ reacts when his Facebook friends see that I’ve tagged him in this picture:


He’s going to be so mad.

8 responses to Videos of the Heathens


    I’m glad I’ve seen your warnings. They make me more intensely watching my three fur babies here. LOL
    I love your “Ferocious Housecat”-movie… even though I’m not sure if it’s my eyes or only my computer… but in the background on the floor it looks like there’s a chicken running in circles… *grin* It distracts me. 😀 😀
    As for Mr. Tiddles… you know he won’t react… at all. But if I were you I’d sleep with an eye and one ear open for the next 15 years… because you will be paying for this picture. LOL

    Liked by 1 person


      Ha. “A cricket.” It’s actually a fake butterfly that flutters in circles, and yes, the cats have already broken it. Bastards.

      Liked by 1 person


        LOL – You take it easy, Cary… I’ve got Maine Coons here. Many cat toys are completely ‘out of questions’ for my giants. Jake LOVES his particular ball-road… it’s a little ball within something like a tube – with holes for him to try and catch the ball which of course moves forward and back… The tube is in two parts and can be stuck together. I had to use ductape to keep the parts together. The first time it took him about 20 seconds until he had it in pieces and happily kicked the ball underneath the TV furniture. Kitty toys? Toy Mice? 20 – 40 seconds… they mostly play with dog toys now.

        Liked by 1 person


          Right? That manufactured stuff is way too expensive and they break it so quickly. However this was Christmas so I had to spend something to prove that they are tolerated. Otherwise, an empty toilet paper roll is the best they get.

          Liked by 1 person


        Empty toilet paper rolls are a GREAT toy! Even for my giants. I have to admit I like spending some time in entertaining them.
        Empty toilet paper rolls… place a little treat in there and “close” the roll with something on both sides. The longest I had my boy entertained with was about 90 seconds. Then he got so frustrated, he ripped the entire roll into shreds to get his treat.
        Another excellent toy is a strong, not too big cardboard box. I fill it with river stones, dry leaves, pine cones, small pieces of wood and a toy ball, or toy mouse on a string. I fix two tiny holes in the box front and back and pull the string through. On both sides of the box I add three round cut outs for the cats to stick their paws in and try to catch the toy. Then I cover the box and close it completely.
        At the end I pull the strings so the toy moves forward and back…
        It usually works for days before I walk out of the bedroom in the morning, find the box in pieces, stones, cones, leaves and a broken toy mouse spread out the house…

        Liked by 1 person


    With those good looks and impressive flexibility, Mr. Tiddles is destined for porn.

    Liked by 2 people

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