Parents have various reasons for documenting the development and growth of their dependents with current technology, whether for the nostalgic purpose of filming a summer vacation on the shores of Biloxi, Mississippi or the mischievous intention of snapping a future blackmail Polaroid of your baby wearing only a toy gun holster. I’ve observed this paternal motivation in owners of pet cats as well, myself included; though, my intentions serve a different purpose.
When I capture still life of my heathens, it’s function is for one or more of the following:
- A reminder of the emotional distress involved when raising a heathen cat in case I get kicked in the head one day and decide to want another.
- For posting on social media to both serve as a warning for other potential cat owners as well as to incite pity.
- A vessel of humiliation by inserting an embarrassing comment to pictures I post on social media. This reminds my cats that I am the alpha of the house when they log into Facebook and see it on their feed. It helps to tag their friends in the photo.
Recently, I discovered an interest in filming the furry idiots. I am grateful to the video editing software on my iPhone for allowing me to memorialize the inside my home through humor so I don’t have to drink as much. For example:
- Nobody likes the deaf cat, Zoe, because her unpredictable outbursts scare the shit out of the others. Below, I captured the whore (Reese) swatting at Zoe just for being too close.
- I’m not sure how the blind cat became the alpha of the pride. That little asshole is a bully.
- This one started as me toying with the features of the editing software but became a documentary of a house cat hunting for food.
With my growing collection, my mind is placed at ease knowing that after I die, future generations will heed my warnings of cat parenting. Until then, I can’t wait to see how Mr. Tiddles’ reacts when his Facebook friends see that I’ve tagged him in this picture: