Table of Contents

Below is a list of all articles posted on The Reluctant Cat Owner’s Journal from oldest to newest (currently in progress):

The Cat Owner Cocktail: How to cope within a multi-cat home.

Gib Elbis Keeses: Have you ever kissed a cat’s butthole?

How to Care for a Blind Cat: The title of the post really says it all.

The Pet Contract: You may benefit from it if you have pets of your own.

Zoe Takes Her Medicine: This is what I called a Zoetoon (all of them true stories).

Feline Terrorism: Know the Enemy: And you think they’re just cute kitties, don’t you. Here’s the truth.

Cat Owner’s Guide to Home Decor: Before you adopt a cat, please view this picture to learn the reality of cat ownership.

Cat Owner’s Guide to a Clean Home: As a multi-cat owner, it’s tough to keep a house clean, but here’s how you can.

Cat Exercise Program: I have an obese cat. This is how he lost weight.

Chemical Theater: Seriously. Who farts on stage during a performance?

Zoe Shows Love: Another Zoetoon.

Blind Murphy’s Magic Trick: So I was really bored when I made this “comic strip.”

Walmartians: Look. It’s not always about cats. Sometimes I judge people, too.

Dear Diet: A letter to my diet (we have this on-again-off-again thing).

Zoe Wakes Up: Another Zoetoon.

An Ode to My Dance Audition: A poem I wrote about an embarrassing dance audition.

An Actor’s Journey: This is why my parents are so proud of me.

Intervention: Zoe: Does your cat have a drinking problem? Partner claims mine does.

My PaTA Campaign: I had one picture about which I made an entire post. Not one of my favorites.

How to Re-Home Your Cat: Another one of my “not one of my favorites.”

Dear Diet: A fucking classic.

My First Baby Shower: I think I was trying to lure the mommy bloggers with this one.

Zoe Takes Steroids: I think this is the last Zoetoon. Ran out of gas on this concept.

Dr. Schizo’s Guide to Piloting an Automobile: I hate it when people think they are better drivers than others. If you are one of them, read this and go fuck yourself.

Costumes for Your Cat (NSFW): This one post is responsible for people landing on my page as a result of the filthiest search terms.

Zoe at the Vet: Nope. No, wait. Another Zoetoon. This was seriously based on a true story.

Cary the Fairy: Another article on what it’s like growing up gay in the South (fucking sick of these types of articles…we get it, it’s tough being gay in the South).

A Memo from Management: This is why I can’t have nice things…well, this and Jesus hates me.

A NSFW Life: This one didn’t turn out so funny, in my opinion.

How to Keep the Cat Out of the Christmas Tree: A Christmastime favorite you can read around the fireplace to your grandchildren.

Elvis Takes a Dump: The cat, Elvis. Not the dead singer.

Blind Murphy’s Page: That time Mr. Tiddles helped Blind Murphy set up a social networking profile.

Mr. Tiddles’ Holiday Tip: A recap of my worst nightmare come true.

Breaking Down the Snow Cat Video: My friend, Claire, shared a video, and I wanted to share it with my reader.

Dear Phil Robertson: The “open letter” format is so easy to write. I shall do this more often.

How to Care for a Deaf Cat: I honestly don’t even remember what this one is about other than caring for a deaf cat.

A Cautionary Tale to All Male Cat Owners: I DO remember what this one is about, and it was a lesson learned!

A Valentine for Cat Lovers: This was my first “local” post.

My Spamalot Scrapbook: Just a vanity post about my time as Sir Lancelot, et. al.

Feeding Multiple Cats: In my opinion, pretty fucking funny if you have nothing better to do.

Unraveling Mom: Kids, please don’t try this at home.

One Night in Handlock: How a typical date with the Partner goes.

The Hygienitard: People need to learn to take a shower.

Memo from God: Maybe a little too much information?

What I’m Giving Up for Lent: I liked this one.

Like a Baby Arm Holding an Apple: This is why I prefer not to be left with children.

A World Without Science: I got pretty annoyed about a certain news organization pandering to the religious right, so I wrote this.

Taking the ‘Bate: This is why I prefer not to be left with children (part 2).

Religious Intervention Rejection Form: I have only submitted a completed copy of this form once but look forward for the chance to do it again.

Litter Eater: Just a stupid poem about my cat eating from its toilet.

The Power of Grace: Alexis Grace is one of the nicest people I have ever known. I’m so lucky I get to call her “friend.”

Temporarily Out of Order: A poem I wrote about my depression. Fun times.

Finding Your Gay: A guest post from the very funny Journey McGuire.

Karma is a Cat Named Elvis: Stupid cat.

The Gracie Cat Adventures: May the sweet Gracie Cat rest in peace.

Reverend Mother Goose: The Christians made their own book of Mother Goose rhymes because, you know, all the sex and violence in the original version.

How to Make Happiness: I sometimes don’t know what I would do without Zoe.

The Hazards of Flirting: My advice for a long-term relationship? Never stop flirting with the one with which you want to spend the rest of your life.

I was Such a Stupid Child: This one turned out to be a semi-popular post for some reason. I guess it makes people feel better about themselves when they read about someone more stupid than themselves.

The Rubber Letter: If I didn’t have my Mom, I wouldn’t have much to write about.

Everybody’s a Critic: And some people wonder why I have trust issues.

My First Crush: Oh, I remember it well.

Blind Murphy’s T-Shirt: This is why I am grateful that there isn’t, like, a social services for cats.

The Whore in Practice: I documented proof via film footage that Reese is, in fact, a whore.

The Benefits of Handicat Adoption: Seriously, give it a try.

The Letter of Support: Yet another letter to Mom. I submitted this one to an anthology but never heard back. Oh well.

The Shame Box: I am no doctor, but I believe this is also effective for punishing children.

Shipping Mr. Tiddles: I’ve tried to do this to Mr. Tiddles for years. So far, I’ve failed every time.

A Marriage of Convenience: This pictures makes me chuckle a little every time I see it.

So What is Your Favorite Candy: I’m an asshole for my own amusement.

The Tail Mustache: I’m just bitching about Elvis Cat sleeping by my head again. Nothing special.

How to Explain Gays to a Child: Most popular post. It’s been shared over 25,000 times. And the mommy blog that shared it got a lot of heat for it. Ha.

Mr. Tiddles and the Blender: Proof Mr. Tiddles is lazy.

Just Daydreaming: Stupid picture post. You can skip it.

The Baby Accessory Boom: Who says babies are good for nothing.

A Matter of Perspective: I was playing with my .gif program and came up with this.

FW: RE: Urgent – Gay Recruits Needed: Just my dirty mind wanting to play with words.

Don’t You Know Who I Am?: I have no idea why I wrote this. Present me didn’t like that past me wrote this, but here it is.

I Dreamt of Being a Solid Gold Dancer: Or as I like to call this post, I was Such a Stupid Child – Part 2.

“You Can’t Outdo Black People”:My friend, Claire, finds the best videos.

Random Reason #1782: I swear the cats are no help when it comes to home protection.

Is Your Cat an Alcoholic: Because of Zoe’s cerebellar hypoplasia, Partner claims she is drunk. So this is where this comes from.

Random Reason #431: I hate cleaning up after the cats. I really do.

You Won’t Believe What This Blog Says: I swear to God I am so fucking tired of click-bait headlines.

Shenaniganing in Memphis: Thursday Squared: I love my friends. The Celebrity Stalker Club – Memphis Chapter.

The Children’s Bible of Lust: And to think it was written by Christians. Yeah, baby.

Shenaniganing in Memphis: Crop Hop 5K: I was so excited about completing my first 5K that I wrote about it.

My Letter for Depression: I actually really like this one. It helps me through the bad times.

Shenaniganing in Memphis: The Book of Mormon and Hairspray: My new favorite show, and I got caught stalking someone.

Random Reason #104: Just because your cat is blind doesn’t mean they still can’t be a heathen.

Cat Protest: Just another stupid picture post. So lazy.

C. H. Cat Care Tip: This one is funny, in my opinion.

How to Stop Elevator Butt Pee: I get SO many hits for this post from search engine results. You wouldn’t believe how many people search for this online.

A Cat Owner’s Last Will and Testament: It is what it says.

Random Reason #34: Another reason to think twice before adopting  a cat.

Richard will Make You Slap Somebody: Yes, the penis is powerful.

How to Feed a Cat with Cerebellar Hypoplasia: No wait, THIS was the one I think is funny (not the C. H. Cat Care Tip).

How to Deter Butt Scooting: I got hate mail from this one. So you know I love it.

Before Adopting Another Cat: I honestly don’t remember what this one is about. Too many stupid posts about cats.

Dear Anonymous: My open letter to the asshole that wrote me hate mail over the butt scooting post.

My Cataholics Anonymous Meeting: I may be so frustrated with them, but at the end of the day I am grateful. It’s a stupid sweet post.

Celebrating World Cat Day: Can you believe that have a day for cats? Psshhhh.

The Grammar Nazi Kids Hour Show: I swear I am not a grammar Nazi. They annoy me.

Celebrity Stalking Alexis Grace: Damn. She can SANG!

Have You Ever Been Naked on Stage: A boring performance post.

Before You Share on HuffPost Live: One of the most popular on the site.