Archives For depression

Come to Depression

May 19, 2016 — 16 Comments

The following ad was paid for by the Depression Tourism Council.

It’s summer again, and many of you are planning your annual holiday away from work. If you’ve done this before, you know that getaways are exhausting and expensive. You can empty your wallet on an excursion to Hawaii, the Caribbean, or your Mom’s house, but have you considered Depression? It’s the most visited vacation spot that barely anyone talks about.

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Dear Journal,

At the age of 15, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder.

For 27 years, my care has been consigned to a total of eleven psychiatrists or psychologists who have treated my illness with counseling and/or Prozac/Wellbutrin/Zoloft/Klonopin/Cymbalta/Xanax. Daily treatment is necessary for me to maintain a balanced mind, yet even still, I can (and often do) relapse.

Having so many years of experience with depression and knowing there are so many out there suffering, I want to share a reliable list of actions you should take if you experience depression, too. You don’t know me, and therefore, you don’t know if you can trust my advice. I can’t fault you for that and commend you for being a smart reader. But feel free to take whatever advice you need and leave the rest (though I am pretty adamant when it comes to the soundness of this article).

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There once was a man by the name of A. Fellow that suffered from major depression.

Since childhood he lived with this burden inside him,  yet never stated this confession.

Occasion’lly when all alone with his thoughts, the depression makes life feel so bleak,

reminding him of his embarrassing thoughts and then sharing unwanted critique.

For instance, A. Fellow could have a fine day when surrounded by friends and good cheer.

Yet somehow Depression will sneak in his head and commit him to sadness and drear.

“Remember that time when you thought you could write,” it’ll say with a lifted eyebrow.

“You made such a fool by exposing your soul. I bet people still laugh at you now.”

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Dear Cary,

If you are reading this, you’re experiencing another episode of depression. I know you’re not surprised. You knew the previous episode wasn’t your last. That’s why you wrote this letter, and I’m proud that you remembered to read it because this nasty illness skews your perception and lies about life. My purpose in writing this missive is to help provide a little balance and remind you of what is waiting for you once the storm passes.

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Temporarily Out of Order

April 27, 2014

Have you ever had those days where you want to stay in bed
’cause it’s hard making good dick jokes when your life is awful sad.

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