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Baking Cats for Christmas

December 14, 2016 — 1 Comment

Dear Journal,

Since the week before Thanksgiving, I’ve been more festive than Rip Taylor on New Year’s Eve. I erected and decorated two-and-a-half Christmas trees, snaked garland along the banister, garnished the mantle with stockings and poinsettias, placed nutcrackers on active duty, and baked (i.e. eaten) five dozen batches of gingerbread cookies before the Thanksgiving turkey had the pleasure of being stuffed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Since most of my friends are as obnoxious about their cats as I am with mine (and to supplement my ravenous holiday spirit), I had the idea of mailing a gift box to their four-legged fur babies*. This method of merry is preferred if you’d rather bring holiday cheer to cats rather than people.

  • Is it just me or does “four-legged fur baby” sound like a highly perverted, Turkish sex thing?

In the event that your handicap is giving to others, I have provided a step-by-step guide below. In case you also have a deplorable distaste for reading, there are pictures.

WARNING: The following get your friend’s cat so stoned, the heathen will start wearing baahaas, take up hacky sacking, and call their owner “dude.”

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