Archives For world’s best cat litter

Dear Journal,

While shopping for a more natural and eco-friendly litter, I discovered one that not only promised “outstanding odor control,” “99% dust free,” and “quick clumping & easy scooping,” it also proclaimed itself to be the best cat litter in the whole fucking world.

Gasconading about being superior to German engineering, ancient Chinese secrets, and Portuguese scientific know-how within the name of your product is so audacious, I immediately gave this Muscatine, Iowa-based company a chance without the due diligence that should have been involved when paying three times more than the average bag of cat litter. I was under the impression that I was getting what I was paying for. If I pay for a bag of litter that cost three times more than the average, I should expect a litter that works three times better than the average. Right?

I don’t know about you, Journal, but when I award a manufactured product with the title of “World’s Best,” I have to deem it a remarkable improvement over all of its competitors. A”world’s best” battery would last forever. A “world’s best” sleeping pill wouldn’t make me sleep eat or feel groggy in the morning. A”world’s best” toilet paper wouldn’t sprout dingleberries in the wake of its wipe. Well, after paying over $30 for a bag of World’s Best Cat Litter: Advanced Natural, this is what I got:

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