Archives For Zoe

Heathen in a Drawer

January 28, 2016 — 22 Comments

So this happened:

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Will A Cat Trip Balls If You Brush Its Teeth?

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The People vs. Zoe

December 8, 2014 — 18 Comments

The trial in which you are about to see is the case of The People of the Condemnable Home versus Zoe.

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Alcoholic Heathen

June 13, 2014

How to tell if your cat is an alcoholic:

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Dear Journal,

When it comes to cat adoption, able-bodied cats have an unfair advantage: people assume they are better because they are not broken. I know people think handicats (i.e. handicap cats) are expensive or high maintenance because I used to be one of those people; however, thanks to Partner and Blind Murphy, I learned that there are benefits to sharing your home with a handicat. For example:

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Zoe is not very graceful when it comes to the hunt.

Zoe is not very graceful when it comes to the hunt.

How to Make Happiness

April 28, 2014

Welcome to The Emotional Chef.

Today we will be preparing one of everybody’s favorite: happiness.  We all want happiness, but unfortunately, not everybody knows how to make it.

Personally, I make my own happiness with drugs, but if drugs are not available to you, you can always try the following recipe below.

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The other night, I had to pee.  Nothing unusual there.  Everybody pees.  So why am I writing about a typical trip to the bathroom?  Because Zoe, that’s why.

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Because I’m a sucker when it comes to handicats, I adopted Zoe about 5 months ago (rhymes with “toe” not “doughy”).  She was born deaf and is afflicted with a mild case of cerebellar hypoplasia (the latter makes her head wobble like a drunk).

Zoe is not my first handicat, but she is the first in our condemnable home that is deaf.  In case you, too, are considering a deafie, I wanted to share some on my experiences so that your handicat’s transition to their new home will be smooth and uneventful:

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Mr. Tiddles says, “A home isn’t holiday-ready until a cat-shit paw-print trail extends from the litter box, through the kitchen floor, over the kitchen counters, into the dining room, and God knows where else (because its hard to see smudges of feces  on hardwood floors), signifying the journey of the three wise men.”

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Intervention: Zoe

April 25, 2014


Dear Zoe,

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